Fit or Fat?

The thing about winter (even the 14 degree sort we have here), is that it turns all us mortals into unhealthy blobs of lazy.
It's too cold to do anything outside so you just want to curl up in bed, comforted by the warmth of your laptop...or a tub of icecream.
So it came as no surprise, when two months down the line I was chalking up those calories and hadn't enough stamina to even pretend to run.

Hence the quest to find myself a gym.
After eliminating a few of the dodgy ones, and more than a few outrageously priced ones, I had narrowed myself to this one place that seemed just right; reasonably priced, conveniently located and well-reputed. The phone coversation went as follows:

Gym: Hello, you have reached the Fat Crusaders*, how may I help you?
Me: Yea, hi! I read about your gym on your website, and was wondering how I could go about signing up for a membership?
Gym: Sure ma'am. First you'll have to come over so that we can have a weigh-in. Then on analysis of your body type we'll decide what regime and diet best suits you..
Me: ..Oh, but I don't want to be put on a diet!
Gym: You..don't want to diet?
Me: No. You see I was just hoping to maybe pop in a couple of times a week after work. Not for the purpose of losing weight, but to get more in shape.
Gym: To get in shape.
Me: Yes. As in, to get a bit healthy you know?
Gym: You're not overweight ma'aam?
Me: Erm no..
Gym: *confused silence*
Me: Listen, don't you have an option where anyone can just walk-in, work-out, and leave as they please?
Gym: Ma'aam..you'll have to be in at least 5 times a week, and a maximum of 7 times.
Me: So, that's a no.
Gym: *pause* Yes.
Me: Erm..right then, thanks. And good luck with that.

'You're not overweight ma'aam??' Why is that so hard to believe?? And why on earth is it so incomprehensible that some people don't have an agenda, and are just fine with the way they are..or life even. So like the 21+ tag on all clubs (and some movies), turns out you need to be above the normal weight limit to be allowed to enter a fitness regime.

Pity though..if not for it's despotic regime that place would've been my safest bet. Until then my not-so-overweight self has resorted to boycotting the elevator. So until I can find myself a less domineering gym, it's the stairs for me!

Doubt it'll really help much since I live in a duplex, and I pretty much have to make more than a couple of daily climbs to get to my room / loo and back...but lets not burst that pet bubble of denial shall we? It helps me sleep at night.


Cheers.



*name has been changed for discretion*

Oh L'Amour!

Ahh..it's that time of year again folks. The month of lurrve / amour / pyaar / hubb.

That dreaded month where Hallmark pukes out it's entire mush collection, rose bushes are fed an over-dose of fertilizer, and 3rd-world children in a workshop somewhere are made to stop working on those footballs and divert their time to producing massive heart-wielding stuffed toys.
Where people with 'In a Relationship' FaceBook statuses (stati?) run around in a frenzied panic tring to figure out until the last minute what best to give their other half. Singletons either run and hide, or bring up their flirting game (the closer to the date the more savage the eyelid batting / muscle flexing).

I'm actually with the "Aye" Team on the whole V-day debate. They "Nay"'s argue that you don't need to put aside a particular day to tell someone you love them (blah, blah)..but why on earth not? Besides,not even cupid is going to be aiming those arrows every single day of every single year. Surely the flying man in diapers needs a day off.
The same applies for Mother's Day, Father's Day, Earth Day, Groundhog Day (what is that anyway?)..we all need a little push, a reminder, a reason to party.

Obviously I can't stand how commercial it's turned out either. They'll push you into the deep end they will. By 'they' I mean the members on the board of Valentine's Day conspirators; Hallmark, Patchi, Tiffany's, the Maldives, and the extreme-sports-can-be-romantic people. They convince you that that the 14th of February is the best day to propose..the best day to make up for forgetting the birthday..the best day to load up on chocolate guiltlessly, etc.
And we (the gullible little puppets that we are) let ourselves get pushed. We fall in face-first, then decide to swim along with the rest of the smitten in that pool of soppy.

So on that unabashed note..here's wishing you all a Happy Valentine's Day! Now go bag those dinner reservations,and compile those mixed-tapes..the day's fast approaching! Spread the love people..and spread it hard.



Cheers!

Ladies Only

I just finished reading this fab book : A Men's Guide to the Women's Bathroom. A light read of course; but i'm inspired.


Turns out there's a lot you boys don't know about the goings-on of the ladies loo..the happenings within.

Let me tell you a thing or two about women's bathrooms gentlemen.
They're pretty. They're pretty, smell nice, and have furniture! Yes, cute little mini-sofas in case we get weary from all the in-house activity. The cubicles are so roomy you want to bring in some wall-hangings and call it home. There are full-length mirrors for does-my-bum-look-big-in-this moments, and soap dispensors that actually work. Hand-dryers that double-up as hair-dryers, and even hooks to hang our bags/scarves/ex-boyfriends while we finish our business.

And in case you haven't noticed, we women almost always visit the potty in groups. This doesn't mean we all 'go' together..it just means we're either:
(a) headed for an urgent can-not-wait-another-minute gossip session.
(b) going to powder our nose. (And fluff up our hair, lengthen those lashes and gloss'ify those lips).
(c) off to sort out an unaccounted for dilemma ('I cannot buhlieve he didn't notice I did my nails!' 'OhmaGawd..you should like so totally dump him.')
(d) actually going in for a wee (very rare)

So boys, you might be blessed with the ability to relieve yourselves anywhere you please, but we've got 5-star lavatories to make up for any discomfort. Sort of like a reward for holding it in for so long. (Gooood bladder! Now have a treat.)


Seems like the scales have been balanced to me.



Cheers.

Curtain Call

Blegh. It's that time again. Year-end.

The air is dense with reflection. No, the heavens have not been engulfed by a swarm of mirrors; the atmosphere of late is just heavy with intense thoughts of deliberating folks.
Folks who take time off to look back on what they've achieved this past year (blah, blah), and to set new goals for the coming one (more blah, blah).

In case you haven't got the gist yet, i'm not all that big on this reflection business. I'd much rather hop a ride on my big, fat cloud of denial and wave princess'ly while (whilst?) I float gloatingly past those miserable contemplators.

But this year I was kinda co-erced into contemplation. A friend brought up the topic and invited me to join in her speculation. Now it's just rude to say "Thanks, but I'd much rather watch your goldfish poop little poop-strings," so i begrudgingly slid off my cloud.

"So what has changed for you over the past year?" she asked wistfully. "My shampoo," I wanted to say, but I decided against it. Apparently sarcasm is still my forte'.

So I gave this looking-back concept a shot. Hmm..what had changed?
Well, in the beginning of the year I was studying like mad for my Recombinant DNA-Technology exam, and now i'm nearing the end of my probation at a PR firm. At the start of the year, my brother was still in school, and now he's finished his first semester of college. One of my best friends is now engaged, my cousin gave birth to her first child, and I've shifted my sweet-tooth craving from chocolate to cheesecake.

Maybe this annual mulling-over is not so bad an idea after all. Now, what would I want to change for 2009?

Zilch. Nada. Well..nothing that I can think of anyway. I'm not saying i'm the perfect human being (i'm not saying it, but you're more than willing to go ahead); I just don't believe in waiting for the start of a new year to want to improve. Might as well resolve when the fault is fresh eh?
So yea..i'd much rather handle situations as and when they present themselves/punch me in the face. I'll deal with them then.

We stress too much, we do. We all want to change so much, too much at a time. Sure, some things are a given (get healthier, stop biting nails, must see the good in Paris Hilton, etc.), but let's just take it easy for 2009 shall we?

Life's too short to add on to the worry wrinkles. Why waste good money on botox when you can have cheesecake instead?


Happy New Year everyone. Here's wishing you the best of everything. *clink*


Cheers.

Happy New Year?

Disgusting. Heartless. Mindless and Brutish. Oh..i'm being nice here. If i didn't make it a point to censor this blog I could come up with a few more terms befitting these barbaric animals.


250 people were killed yesterday. Within the space of a few minutes, 250 Palestinians were gunned down like they were worth nothing. 250 families lost a family member/lover/friend. Child-bearing women, guiltless children, aged parents; either dead or paralysed to a point of no return.

How anyone can sit back and order bloody murder of another human being, let alone 500 is beyond me. What is it you want and didn't get? Land? Money? You perverse children.

Think of your own. Think of the family you get home to everyday, and imagine them burnt to a char in a second. They don't deserve it. Nobody does.

I flaunt a peace pendant but now I want to throw it away. I'm grateful to be living to see this day, and now i'm ashamed to. We read the papers, shed a tear and get on back to our daily rituals. While on the other side of the world, grieving souls pay their final respects to the ones they loved the most.


To all those who suffered in the recent attacks, and to all victims of terror across the globe. One day your time will come.

Toon Tutors

It's true when they say that most of life's lessons are taught outside the classroom. Most of mine I've learned from my fav. cartoon characters.


- Wile E. Coyote taught me the importance of perseverence. One day he will get that damn bird!

- Daffy Duck taught me that people will still love you even if you have a speech defect.

- Bugs, Jerry and the Road runner taught me that the bad guys never finish last.

- Garfield taught me to not stress. Wait for things to come to you.

- Elmer Fudd and Sammety Sam taught me that nothing good can come out of guns...or bad aim.

- Marge Simpson taught me that life goes on even on a bad hair day.

- The Ninja Turtles taught me to always have respect for the Sensai.

- Batman taught me that it doesn't matter if you can't fly or sprout nets out of your wrist. As long as you have a Batmobile..you're cool.


Consider this a tribute to Hannah Barbara, The Warner Brothers and Jim Davis. I owe you guys.


Cheers.

The True Hero

28 year-old Iraqi journalist, Munthadar Al Zaidi made it to the wall of fame last week when he pulled out his shoe and hurled it at President Bush. Naturally he was restrained, and jailed immediately after.
The man turned into a hero overnight. He made the headlines in every newspaper, worldwide protests were staged for his release, and the facebook support group launched in his honour reached a membership of 50,000 within just a couple of days. Before you know it, he'll be in the running for Time Magazine's next Person of The Year!

So you hate the man. Is throwing foot apparel at the object of your hatred the way we handle social fallouts these days? So what is it then that sets us apart from animals, if we've lost all ability to think our actions through? Al Zaidi deserves to be locked up if you ask me. And I honesty cannot conceive even the slightest hint of martyrdom in an act so childish.


If anything, I believe it is President Bush whom we should be glorifying. At this point in time, I admire him than I ever will Al Zaidi.
Munthadar was lauded for his inability to keep his temper in check when Bush is the bad-guy for being the one able to control his fury.

George W. Bush gets himself out of bed every morning despite being completely aware of the fact that he is despised all over the world. He goes to work, and visits those countries where he knows he is not welcome. People have written and published books centering around his many gaffes; and yet he is not discouraged.

Now tell me; what is courage? Which of the two has more dignity?

I'm not saying that I love the man, nor am I stating that can do no wrong. As the President of a very influential superpower, he has made some pretty terrible descisions, sure. But I'm taking into account the Man, and not the President.


So to all those hero-worshipping a man with enough decorum to fill Barbie's teacup; get your priorities sorted!
For: "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." (Sahih Al-Bukhari)



Cheers.